J.R.R.R (Jim) Hardison
YA Epic Fantasy
Fish Wielder Series (Book 1)
Publisher: Fiery Seas Publishing, LLC
Fish Wielder is kind of like Lord of the Rings, set in Narnia, if it was written by the guys who made Monty Python and the Holy Grail while they were listening to the music of They Might Be Giants.
In ancient times, the Dark Lord Mauron cooked the most powerful magic chocolate dessert ever made, the Pudding of Power.
One thousand and , the evil leader of the Bad Religion, the Heartless One, is trying to recover the lost pudding in order to enslave the peoples of Grome. Only the depressed barbarian warrior Thoral Might Fist and his best friend, Brad the talking Koi fish, have a chance to save the world of Grome from destruction, but that's going to take a ridiculous amount of magic and mayhem.
Thus begins the epically silly epic fantasy of epic proportions, Fish Wielder—book one of the Fish Wielder Trilogy.
Excerpt 4 (330 words)
The barbarian glowered at the magician as the blade thrummed in his hand.
“Prepare to meet whatever maker made thee,” Thoral spat.
“No, you!” the sorcerer shot back.
Then the two ran at each other. Necrogrond swung his wickedly curved dagger, and
Thoral blocked the blow with his magic sword so that blue sparks showered around him. The
sorcerer pirouetted like a dancer dancing a dance of death and slashed at the barbarian’s heaving
chest. Thoral jumped backwards, avoiding a nasty cut. Then he sprang forward and punched the
sorcerer in the ear. Necrogrond was spun round by the force of Thoral’s mighty fist, and his ear
tore right off and fell on the floor with a wet plop. He howled in pain and clutched at the side of
“You’ll pay for that, barbarian!” the sorcerer screeched and made a big flash of magic
light that had Thoral seeing spots.
When the Fist Wielder’s vision returned, Necrogrond appeared to be gone. Actually, he
was in the air above Thoral, hovering in a way that made the magician look as if he were floating
underwater. Even his hair rippled as if he were underwater. It was pretty creepy, but the effect
was wasted on Thoral because he didn’t see it.
“Where art thou, FOUL WIZARD?!” Thoral roared, turning this way and that as
Necrogrond descended. The sorcerer was a mere foot above him when a single drop of blood
dripped from his severed ear and splashed onto the top of Brad’s head as he peered from inside
Thoral’s belt pouch.
“He’s hovering above us!” the fish shouted.
Thoral looked up, but too late. The sorcerer plopped down on him, seizing the warrior’s
neck between his powerful thighs. He squeeze until Thoral’s face turned red and veins bulged at
his temples. The barbarian staggered and fell to his knees, gasping for breath and grasping for thesorcerer. And then it really seemed as if Thoral might lose. Really this time.
Fish Wielder Praise:
“This is one wild romp! I'm not sure I've seen such preposterously determined critic-baiting parody since Xanth or Asprin's Myth-Begotten series. I recommend it to anyone.” ―Piers Anthony, New York Times Bestselling Author
"Fast, fun, fantastic! Fish Wielder is hilarious and unpredictable, like a drunk bear playing whack-a-mole." ―Logan J. Hunder, author of Witches Be Crazy
"A great time. Fast and funny, it races along in a self-aware tone that should appeal to anyone who loves fantasy but has ever found themselves thinking, huh, that was a little melodramatic." ―Clay Johnson, author of OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD (Ravenswood Publishing, 2016)
About the Author:
Fish Wielder is J.R.R.R. (Jim) Hardison's first novel novel (He wrote a graphic novel, The Helm, for Dark Horse Comics). Jim has worked as a writer, screen writer, animator and film director. He started his professional career by producing a low-budget direct-to-video feature film, The Creature From Lake Michigan. Making a bad movie can be a crash course in the essential elements of good character and story, and The Creature From Lake Michigan was a tremendously bad movie. Shifting his focus entirely to animation, Jim joined Will Vinton Studios where he directed animated commercials for M&M’s and on the stop-motion TV series Gary and Mike. While working at Vinton, he also co-wrote the television special Popeye's Voyage: The Quest for Pappy with actor Paul Reiser.
Jim has appeared on NBC's The Apprentice as an expert advisor on brand characters, developed characters and wrote the pilot episode for the PBS children's television series SeeMore's Playhouse and authored the previously mentioned graphic novel, The Helm, named one of 2010's top ten Great Graphic Novels for Teens by YALSA, a branch of the American Library Association. These days, Jim is the creative director and co-owner of Character LLC, a company that does story-analysis for brands and entertainment properties. He lives in Portland, Oregon with his lovely wife, two amazing kids, one smart dog and one stupid dog.
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5 ebook copies of Fish Wielder
1 paperback (US only) copy of Fish Wielder
1 hardback (US only) copy of Fish Wielder