I’d Rather Wear Pajamas
by Chelsea Walker Flagg
Everybody has the awesome opportunity to find their own strength and path through life. Some come about their self-discoveries through studying and working hard. Others (Chelsea) spend their time nearly burning down kitchens and driving around the country with a car full of hangers.
Chelsea grew up wanting to be “strong.” She thought arguing her way through childhood and becoming a world-class attorney would get her there. But, through a series of humorous, and only slightly embarrassing events, Chelsea comes to realize that maybe her strength is meant to shine in different ways.
I think the real reason I’ve always longed to be viewed as strong is because I’ve never been able to do a single pushup in my entire life. Not a single one. As if gym class isn’t painful enough for every student ever; throw in that little nuance and you’ve got yourself a recipe for ridicule and embarrassment. I’d walk into those dreaded gym periods like I was walking the green mile to my death. The absolute worst was when that splintery rope would be hanging down from the ceiling, taunting me with the realization that it was rope climbing day. You know what I’m talking about, right? Those days couldn’t have been painful for just me. You stand in the lineup of students all waiting their turn while watching the poor sucker on the rope trying to scramble his way at least two inches off the floor. You contemplate ways to make yourself sick in order to get a free pass to the nurse’s office, but then it’s too late and it’s your turn. You pray that you don’t have a hole in your pants as you mount the rope. And then you get nervous. You get really nervous. Which means that you start spontaneously passing insane amounts of gas—while trying to climb the rope—with all your classmates down wind. I’m getting gassy just thinking about it. Blurb 2
AUTHOR Bio and Links:
Chelsea was once obsessed with cats, longed to live in a big city, didn't think she would ever have children, and aspired to be an attorney. She now lives in Boulder, Colorado as a stay-at-home mom and comedic writer with her husband and three daughters. She has no current plans to own a cat.
Chelsea Walker Flagg Social Media Links
Book links: The book will be $0.99 during the tour.
That Time When I Lied to My Mom and Told Her I Was Going to a Party
I’ve always been that nerdy girl. You know, the one who stands up in front of her third grade class unprompted and asks if she can read them the story she wrote? Just like she did the week before week, and the week before that, and the twenty weeks before that. I mean, when you’re a natural-born creative genius, who can blame you? I wrote such masterpieces as Sharks in the Toilet, wherein a small boy finds a shark named Spike in his toilet and begs to take him to show-and-tell.
The Mystery of the Puffballs was another big hit, where a couple of little sleuth girls try to reveal why all the town’s cats have disappeared and, in their place, a bunch of puffballs with four legs start walking around. Turns out (spoiler alert), some bad guy was throwing all the cats into a dryer to create puffballs. It’s a real page-turner.
And, I’ll never forget the time when I made up new lyrics to Billy Joel’s classic, We Didn’t Start the Fire. It was a tale all about doing the laundry. The words went,“We didn’t start the bubbles. They were always poppin‘ but we’re trying to stop ‘em.” Genius, no?
In middle school, while other girls were sneaking different, more scandalous outfits into their backpacks to change into after they left their house each morning, I was instead smuggling extra library books into my bag. I was a rebel. When my parents told me it was time to stop reading and to go play outside, I scowled and sulked into the sunshine to find my way under a tree to continue writing whatever my latest story was.
In high school, a big assignment during our Sophomore year was simply called Big Chief. Did anyone else do that? I have no idea if it was a whole nation thing, or limited to just our school. Either way, they don’t do it anymore because of political correctness something or another. There were these notebooks that were literally called Big Chiefs because they had a picture of an Indian Chief on them. We were required to fill 17 pages of our Big Chiefs each week. I should stop saying that as to not upset the political correctness patrol team. Most students loathed writing in their BCs, but I simply couldn’t get enough. Oftentimes, I didn’t stop at my obligatory 17 pages a week. I’d smugly hand my BC in weighing in at a hefty 30 plus pages full.
When my parents encouraged me to go to parties and to be a normal teenager, I would dutifully head to my car. But instead of driving to the party, I’d head straight to the nearest Barnes and Noble to skim the newest releases.
And that’s why, 20 years later, it only makes sense that I’ve fully immersed myself into this life as a published author to my new funny memoir I’d Rather Wear Pajamas. What doesn’t make sense is, why did it take me so long to get here?
GIVEAWAY INFORMATION and RAFFLECOPTER CODE
The author will award a $50 Amazon/BN.com gift card to one randomly chosen winner via rafflecopter during the tour.